


You took my dreams from me

by Rattlesnake



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-14 09:38:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16910517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: Home.He probably won’t be able to call it that anymore after tonight.Kylo knows he has no choice but to break up with Hux. Then why does it hurt so much to even think about it?





	1. When I first found you

Kylo stopped to watch the Christmas lights in one of the windows, his hands buried in his coat, snowflakes melting on his face. They looked beautiful, but he didn’t smile. He was stalling for time. The walk back home from the studio had never taken him so long before.

Home.

He probably wouldn’t be able to call it that anymore after tonight. He turned away and continued his walk. The trees were covered in frost and made their street with the Victorian houses he liked so much look even more like something out of a 19th century novel.

He’d made his decision but still every step was difficult. Maybe he should just turn around, go back to Rey’s house. They could cook pasta, watch “Sherlock” on Netflix. Hux wouldn’t even notice if he didn’t come home. 

He straightened his shoulders. No. If he turned around now, he would never find the courage again before Christmas and the idea of spending the holidays like this was dreadful. 

Or maybe, just maybe he could still decide not to do it at all. Just go home, have dinner alone, read, cuddle Millicent and go to bed. He might have a few more months or so before Hux decided to end this charade himself. Even that seemed desirable right now and showed him how pathetic he had become.  
Hux didn’t love him anymore. 

Kylo was astounded at how that thought still ripped through his heart. He’d known for a long time. They hadn’t talked to each other in weeks. Of course, there had been conversation about who was going to buy bread or feed Millicent or take out the trash, but Kylo couldn’t remember when they had last laughed together, shared memories or stories from their lives, made plans. Even fighting would have been desirable for Kylo at one point, but Armitage always seemed so buried in his work it wasn’t possible. 

They had kissed on his birthday in October and the last time they had sex was even longer ago. He wanted Hux so much it hurt but there was no way of taking down the wall between them. 

Not wanting to become a nuisance to Hux he’d turned into a shadow in his own home. He couldn’t go on like this. It drained him, made the darkness inside of him become more powerful and he knew how dangerous that was. He shivered in the cold but couldn’t get himself to hurry. He wanted the minutes to stretch, didn’t want their final moment to come closer.

His mobile rang, and he was glad about the distraction, glad about the fact that he could stop for a moment to talk. He was almost in front of their house now and he didn’t want to go in. 

What if it was Hux? What if he wanted to ask how long Kylo would take, because he’d prepared dinner for them? His heart beat frantically when he looked at the display. 

Finn. Of course. Hux had almost never called him, even in the beginning. It was stupid, waiting for some kind of sign he could cling to. He had been doing that for too long.

“Hi”, he said.

“Hi, Kylo. I’m just calling to make sure you haven’t changed your mind.”

Kylo hesitated. “No.”

“Look, it’s going to be hard in the beginning, I know that. We’re all going to be here for you: Rey, Poe and me. You’re not alone.”

“Thank you.” Kylo bit his lip.

“And I know you don’t want to hear this now, but you’ll find someone who deserves you.”

“He deserves me. It’s just that he doesn’t love me anymore. I’m doing him a favour and you know it.”

“If he can’t see what an amazing person you are, he doesn’t deserve you.”

“It’s not his fault. He can’t change the way he feels.” Kylo’s eyes were stinging from the snow and he knew he had to end this conversation. It wasn’t helping.

Finn sighed. “You’re still defending him. He’s treated you like dirt for months.”

“No. He just ignored me.”

“Well, ignoring your partner is the same as treating them like dirt, Kylo. You know that.”

“Maybe I’m just not ready. I keep thinking I might turn this around somehow.”

“You tried.”

“Not hard enough.”

“He laughed at you whenever you told him you needed to talk, walked away when you felt hurt, showed you again and again that his work is more important to him than you are. Don’t do this to yourself anymore, Kylo.”

Kylo nodded, remembered that Finn could not see him. “Yes.”

Finn hesitated. “Still, if you feel you’re not ready yet, then wait. Take your time. Just don’t let it pull you down too deep.”

Kylo swallowed hard. “I’m doing it tonight.”

“Good.”

“Good-bye, Finn.”

“Call us whenever you need anything.”

“I will.”

He pressed the button and looked up to their living room window. It wasn’t lit, so Hux was in his office on the other side of the building. Working again. Kylo’s heart sank. He was so desperately hoping for a sign, for something he could use as an excuse to stay. Pathetic.

Their flat or rather Hux’s flat was in the second floor of the building. It was large and sparsely but tastefully decorated and in the two years Kylo had lived here he had never dared to change anything. His Andy Warhol art prints and the few pieces of industrial design furniture he owned wouldn’t fit in with Hux’s minimalistic style anyway. Everything he owned was in storage.

“I’m home”, he called, taking off his boots and coat, careful not to get the floor wet. His inclination to chaos had been a problem at the beginning of their relationship but he’d been able to change. He had his studio in an attic of a building down the street where he could indulge in the creative chaos he needed. Millicent came to greet him, stroking around his legs and he smiled when he knelt to pet her.

“I’m going to miss you so much”, he whispered. “I wish there was something like visiting arrangements for pets after a breakup.” She looked up at him with serious green eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. He doesn’t want me, doesn’t need me. But he still wants you. Very much.”

He got up and she followed him into the kitchen for her dinner. Sitting down on one of the barstools he watched her eat. Stalling time again.

Not many people knew how much Hux liked simple pasta with tomato sauce when it was freshly cooked. This was one of the things Kylo had found out about him and he had treasured every piece of information. It hadn’t helped him to love him right. 

The smell of basil, rosemary and thyme filled the kitchen and Kylo inhaled deeply. He set the small table at the kitchen window. When he’d first moved in here, he had always gone out to buy rolls on Sundays and they’d had breakfast together. He smiled at the memory. Lazy Sunday mornings were also a thing of the past. 

He made sure to cook the pasta al dente and drained them over the sink, before adding them to the pan with steaming hot sauce. Millicent watched him from the kitchen counter and he fed her a little ham from the fridge. She wasn’t allowed any but Hux would never know and this too would be the last time. There were so many things it was hard to let go of.

He walked over to Hux’s study and knocked. A short “come in” and he opened the door. It wasn’t locked, but of course Hux knew by now that Kylo was not going to interrupt him. Hux looked tired and irritated when Kylo leaned against the door frame. Then again, he always did. His laptop was open in front of him and he didn’t stop typing. Kylo took in his lean form, his beautiful slender hands and the warm colour of his hair that was pushed back from his face. He looked so pale, yet so determined. His jaw always seemed to be clenched. “What is it?” Hux asked, not looking up.

“I made us dinner.”

“Sorry, I don’t have time right now.” Hux ran a hand through his hair. “I have to finish this presentation yesterday.”

Kylo nodded. “Couldn’t you take a short break? I’d really like to have dinner with you.”

He tried not to let his disappointment about Hux’s unnerved expression show. Normally he would have given up at this point, knowing that Hux would be taciturn and withdrawn during dinner anyway. But today was different.

“There’s something important I need to talk about with you. It can’t wait.”

“Alright.” Hux’s fingers flew over the keyboard. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

In the kitchen Kylo put the pot with the pasta back on the stove, because he knew Hux would take more time. Every nerve in his body was taut now and he was a little light-headed. It felt as if he was about to jump from a cliff. Any maybe he was.

Hux walked into the kitchen ten minutes later and Kylo was surprised he hadn’t taken longer. His heart still jumped at seeing him. Nothing about that had changed. Hux was still the most beautiful man he had ever laid eyes on.

Hux sat down without a word, running his hands over his face. “What is it Kylo? I really have to get back.”

Kylo got the pot and shovelled some pasta on Hux’s plate. 

“Smells good”, Hux said. “I’m sorry I don’t have more time tonight.” He took a sip from the glass of wine Kylo had purred before. 

“It’s alright, this won’t take long. Please try the pasta first.”

Hux took a bite but Kylo could see that he didn’t even really taste it. His gaze was distanced, his lips tight. “Ecxellent.”

“I wanted to tell you that I’m moving out.” Kylo’s eyes were fixed on the wine glass because he knew he would not be able to say the words if he looked into Hux’s green eyes. He would not ever be able to say them to his face.

Hux put the wine glass down. It clinked against his plate. Then there was silence.

“You’re breaking up with me”, Hux said. It wasn’t a question.

Kylo felt his insides churn. There was a buzz around his ears and then all the noise was drained out. “Yes”, he whispered. It took a moment before his hearing slowly returned. When he looked up Hux’s cool gaze was fixed on him and he quickly averted his eyes.

“I understand”, Hux said. “Are you leaving today?”

“I’m moving in with Rey tomorrow. Can I spend the night in the guest-room?”

“Of course. You’ll need to pack your things, right?”

“Yes.” He didn’t say that his suitcase was already packed and hidden under the bed in the guest-room. He could have left today but he couldn’t face anyone now. Not even Rey. 

Hux nodded. He took another bite from the pasta. Then he quickly got up. “Tell me if there’s anything I can do to help.”

Kylo nodded, not trusting his voice anymore.

Hux turned around and bumped his hip against the kitchen counter on his way out. Millicent followed at his heels. Kylo listened until he heard the heavy door to Hux’s study fall shut.

The numbness inside of him spread to his limbs and he was unable to move. So that was it. Hux hadn’t even questioned his decision, hadn’t wanted an explanation. 

Nothing. No protest, no regret. Not even the slightest hint of disappointment or sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be a little cheesy, but I was in the mood... :D  
> Please let me know if you liked it! The title of the story and the chapter are taken from my favourite Christmas song "Fairytale of New York".


	2. I kept them with me, babe

Kylo’s heart felt like a cold stone in his chest. He’d always told himself that he still meant something to Hux, no matter how much he was absorbed in his work. Learning how little Hux really cared for him was almost unbearable.

No tears came and that frightened him. 

He was lying on the bed in the guest room now, staring up at the ceiling. The emptiness felt dark and all consuming and he couldn’t imagine ever getting up again. He had dreamed about his future with Hux for two years and even if he’d known that things would always be complicated, that he would have to hold back on some of his needs, Hux had been all he wanted.

Still, Hux’s reaction made leaving easier for him. He still never wanted to hurt him. The thought that his decision might cause Hux pain was one of the things that had made him wait this long. At least he knew he didn’t have to worry about that anymore.

Kylo realized now that he would have changed his mind if Hux had shown any sign of wanting him to stay. He’d still been hoping for that more than he’d admitted to himself or to his friends.

Why had he never been able to get under Hux’s skin?

He remembered how much Hux had liked being around him in the beginning, how much he had enjoyed their talks, how he’d craved sex with Kylo. Yes, he had always been reserved but Kylo remembered all too well how they’d devoured each other in bed, how Hux had let himself go beneath him. 

At one point he’d been sure he knew what Hux needed from him. Why hadn’t he been able to hold on to that? How had it slipped away? 

It made his whole body ache to think about that. 

The hours ticked by and the silence around him became unbearable. The walls were moving in on him and his head was about to explode. He needed to get away from here, even if he still wanted to be alone. He’d just walk around or go back to his studio. Maybe he would feel better somewhere else.

He knelt to get the suitcase out from under the bed and walked out into the hallway.

Closing the guest room’s door behind himself, he froze when he heard strange sounds coming from somewhere inside the flat. At first, he thought it was the TV but then he realized someone was – yes, someone was crying.

It was the most heart-breaking sound he had ever heard. Desperate and forlorn. As if someone had lost all hope, as if their world was falling apart around them. Hux was the only other person in this flat, but he’d never seen him cry in their two years together. And he’d never heard anyone cry like this.

He put the suitcase down and walked towards the bedroom, but the sound didn’t come from there. It felt as if the walls were crying, because he couldn’t find the source of the sound. It was so out of the ordinary and unexpected. 

Finally, he opened the door to the storage room at the very end of their flat.

Hux was crouched on the floor, next to the washing machine. His face was pressed against his knees and his hands were buried in his dishevelled hair. His slim shoulders were heaving. The sobbing didn’t stop when Kylo stepped in, even though he tried to suppress it. 

Kylo knelt beside him, stretched out a hand to touch his shoulder.

“Weren’t s’pose to see this.” It was hard to make out what Hux was saying. His voice was muffled, broken. 

“Are you … you’re crying.” Before Kylo could really think this through his arms wrapped around Hux and he pulled him close. He was shocked at how thin Hux was. He must have lost even more weight in the last weeks. And he felt so fragile in his arms. Vulnerable, like a child, startled awake by a terrible nightmare. 

“Why?”

“D’you have to ask?” Hux was writhing to get away from him. He was wearing only his cotton pyjamas and was freezing cold.

“Yes, yes I do.” Kylo felt the numbness disappear and it was replaced with gut-wrenching concern for Hux.

“Don’t look at me, please.” Hux was shaking in Kylo’s arms, still not able to suppress his crying, despite his obvious effort. He was covering his face with his hands, turning away from Kylo, straining against his hug.

“I’ll get you a tissue.” Kylo reluctantly let go of him, got a box of cleenex they kept in here from a cupboard and handed it to Hux. He knelt down beside him again, without touching him.

“Thanks.” Hux blew his nose, still facing away from Kylo. It hurt how much Hux wanted to avoid being seen by him like this. 

“Thought you were asleep.” Hux’s breathing hitched, and he put one hand to his forehead, trying to hide his eyes.

How could he be this embarrassed in front of him? They’d been a couple for two years. Kylo’s heart clenched at the way Hux was trying to hide his pain from him. 

“I couldn’t. Hux …” Kylo moved closer, gently putting an arm around him again because he couldn’t bear how lost he looked. “Are you crying because of me? Because I broke us up?”

“Of course, you idiot. What do you think?” It didn’t sound aggressive, just exhausted.

“I don’t know! It seemed like you didn’t care at all.”

“I didn’t want to make it difficult for you. For once I thought I could manage not to be selfish. Look how that turned out.”

“You do still have feelings for me?” Kylo was a little breathless.

Armitage wrenched the tissue in his hands until it tore. He dropped it and took another one. “What a question. You’re the one important thing in my life.”  
“Then why on earth do you keep pushing me away? Why were you willing to let me go without a fight? Without even telling me you wanted me to stay?” Kylo was exasperated.

Hux looked at Kylo for the first time and the pain in his eyes made Kylo’s chest hurt. “I don’t deserve you. Never have. I knew it was all an illusion and I’d lose you some day. Knew it from the start.” 

“You stupid idiot, I was madly in love with you. Am madly in love with you. I just needed a little attention, damn it.”

“I know! I was just so frightened, so … so sure you were going to get tired of me.” Hux swallowed hard. “And working helped me take my mind off everything. It became kind of an addiction and so I fucked things up. I knew I was running this into a wall, but I couldn’t stop, because I always thought it was already too late.” He hit his fist on the floor so hard he flinched. 

Kylo quickly took his hand in his. “Don’t hurt yourself, please. We can work this out, Hux.”

Hux leaned his head back against the wall. His lips were chapped, his eyes red-rimmed and his hair was hanging over his forehead in strands. Kylo had never found him more beautiful. He intertwined their fingers. “I won’t leave if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t want you to.” Hux bit his lip.” Hell, I want you to stay so bad.”

Kylo took a moment to revel at the wonderful sensation running through his body at these words. He pressed Hux’s hand. “Are you telling me that for two years you’ve felt insecure in this relationship? You thought I might just walk away, despite everything I told you?”

“Yes. Happened before.”

“It won’t happen again with me. I promise. I’m here to stay as long as you want me to.”

“Your friends hate me.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m terrible at this.”

“Don’t care.”

“Unfit for a relationship.”

“Still don’t care.”

“Are you really going to stay?” Hux looked as if he was about to cry again.

“Yes, I am. But let’s get you out of here. You’re freezing.”

*  
“You don’t have to stay with me out of pity”, Hux said, when they were seated at the kitchen table. He looked miserable with red-rimmed eyes, unruly hair and a blanket Kylo had put over his shoulders. But when he looked up at Kylo there was also a glint of hope in his eyes.

Kylo got up to make hot chocolate. How much Hux liked that beverage had also been one of his more surprising discoveries.

“If you only knew how much I was hoping you’d give me a reason to stay.” He poured milk into a pot. “Any reason. I thought I was doing you a favour by leaving.”   
Hux lightly shook his head. “I can’t believe what a failure I am.”

Kylo stepped up behind him and put his arms around him. “Hey, don’t say that about the man I love.” He placed a gentle kiss on Hux’s temple and revelled at the warm feeling inside of him. It felt so wonderful to be able to do this again. 

Hux put his hands on Kylo’s arm. “I know this needs work. A lot of work. Actually… I should show you something.”

He got up and Kylo went to the stove to watch the milk. Hux left the room and returned a moment later with a blue envelope he handed to Kylo. “This was supposed to be your Christmas gift. But I want you to have it now.”

Kylo opened the envelope and took a moment to understand. “Plane tickets? To Dublin?”

Hux nodded. “I know how much you wanted to go there to meet my brother and my cousins. I have four weeks off in January. We can go together, have a holiday, travel around. Techie’s looking forward to meeting you.”

Kylo was speechless and the milk chose that moment to boil over.

*  
An hour later Kylo was stretched out in bed, waiting for Hux, who was still in the bathroom. He couldn’t even remember when Hux had last come to bed before Kylo was asleep. He had also spent many nights at his office, not coming home at all, or slept in the guest-room, because he didn’t want to disturb Kylo. But today they were going to fall asleep together. 

He felt featherlight and warm inside. His whole life had turned upside down and he was still a little dizzy but in a good way. He typed a quick message to Rey telling her that everything had turned out alright, because he knew she was worried. Then he shut down his phone.

His spine prickled at the thought of having Hux close in a moment. 

Hux came into the room and with a few light steps he moved over to the bed and quickly crawled under the covers with Kylo. Kylo sighed with relief when he was able to wrap his arms around Hux’s slim form once more. He kissed his freckled shoulders, buried his nose in his hair and inhaled the scent he loved so much. This was all he ever wanted.

“We might still need help sorting this out”, he whispered, while Hux buried his face at the nape of his neck. “I don’t only mean our relationship. That too, of course, but more importantly you’re not well, Hux.” He was silent for a moment, but Hux didn’t protest. “I think you might need someone to talk to.” He stroked Hux’s back, trying to reassure him.

“You mean therapy?”

Kylo nodded, feeling a little apprehensive. Up to now Hux had always brushed him of if he’d suggested anything in that direction. “I want you to become better, to feel like you can trust again. You know I’ve been in therapy for years. It helped me sort a lot of things out.”

“You’re right. I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.”

“Wow.” Kylo smiled. “You’re really willing to make this work, right?”

“You have no idea.” Hux looked up at him and Kylo shivered at the intense gaze from his green eyes. Hux put a hand to his face and leaned forward to kiss his lips. “I built all my dreams around you, Kylo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So thankful for your lovely comments, and my lovely beta @senema  
> I might add a Christmas chapter to this. What do you think?


	3. I put them with my own

There was a smile on Kylo’s face when he woke up on the twenty-first of December. He rolled over to Hux’s side, but his half of the bed was empty. Kylo sighed, but he wasn’t disappointed for long. The memories of last night were still too vivid and too wonderful in his mind. First, they’d been out for dinner and a movie with Hux’s younger brother Techie who was visiting over the holidays. And at home after Techie had gone to bed, Kylo and Hux had had another glass of wine and talked.

They’d gone to bed together and … well, it had been a night to remember. Kylo would not have minded a repetition in the morning, but apparently Hux was already working. Well, he couldn’t complain after yesterday. They were making so much progress. And who said he couldn’t have a little fun of his own if Hux wasn’t here to help?

He rolled on his back and let his hands glide under the covers. He was still conveniently naked and closed his eyes with a contented sigh.

The door opened exactly at that moment and Hux came in, two steaming mugs in his hands. He pushed the door close with one foot and smiled at Kylo. “You’re awake. I made you coffee.”

He was wearing only briefs and a wide pyjama top. His hair was lightly tousled, glowing in the soft light that fell through the curtains and there was a rosy touch to his cheeks that did nothing to make Kylo’s excitement lessen. 

“Good morning”, he said, his voice a little coarse.

“But perhaps you want something different?” Hux asked, no doubt taking in the flush on his cheeks and the slightly caught look in his eyes. He knew him too well.

“Coffee is great.” Kylo sat up a little. “Thank you.”

“I know what you would like even more, though.” Hux put the two mugs on the nightstand and knelt down on the bed. He gave Kylo a look from his green eyes, that reminded him a little of Millicent, before she was about to pounce. Kylo swallowed hard. Hux removed the covers from Kylo’s lower body with one quick move.

“Perfect”, Hux said and then he bent down and Kylo moaned with pleasure.

There was a knock on the door at that moment and Hux sat up. Kylo quickly pulled the covers back over himself. “Yes?” Hux said a little breathless.  
The door opened slowly, and Techie shuffled in, eyes wide and frightened, hands behind his back. He was wearing bright yellow pyjama bottoms and a green T-shirt and Kylo thought he looked adorable. “I’m sorry, I can see you two were about to have coffee”, he said, bowing his head.

Bless his innocence, Kylo thought.

“But Millicent is hungry, and I can’t find anymore food for her in the kitchen.” As if on cue the orange tabby entered behind him, giving Hux a reproachful look.  
“You just ate, little witch”, Hux said, getting up. “Come on, I’ll show you her stash in the storage room.”

Kylo was glad when Hux left with his brother, because he would not have been able to get up yet. Still he thought it impolite to stay in bed when everyone was awake and even more impolite to masturbate. A cold shower would have to do as soon as he was able to leave the room without the danger of startling any younger brothers. 

He leaned back and thought of ice-cubes and football, which always did the trick. It was starting to work when Hux came back in, shutting the door behind himself like he meant it.

“Millicent has some brekkies and Techie has a hot chocolate. They should be satisfied for a little while”, he said, turning the key. On the short way to the bed he somehow managed to get rid of his top and briefs. “Only one left unsatisfied is you.”

He removed the covers again and with one smooth move straddled Kylo’s hips. 

Kylo was in heaven. 

*  
Only later when he was curled up against Hux and completely spent did it occur to him that Techie had probably been able to hear him, and his cheeks warmed. Poor guy. He probably regretted coming here already.

“That was so good.” Hux stretched and blinked up to him. “Ready for breakfast? The coffee is probably cold by now.”

Kylo could have stayed in bed for another hour or five, content just snuggling with Hux. But Techie had arrived the day before yesterday and he didn’t want to make him feel unwelcome in any way. “Sounds great”, he said.

Kylo felt a little embarrassed when he walked into the dining room where Techie was sitting at the table he had set. It was lovingly decorated with a few Christmas ornaments and there was fresh coffee, eggs and toast waiting for them. 

“That’s so sweet of you, Techie” Kylo said, blushing. “Sorry we took so long.”

Techie beamed at him. “Nevermind. I love to sleep in as well.”

Hux came in from the kitchen with a glass of water. He had that wonderful glow to him like always after they had sex, but he still looked a little put out.  
“The tap is still dripping”, he said. “That lazy janitor will not fix it before Christmas, even though I told him to a hundred times. It’s starting to drive me crazy.”  
“Matt has his work cut out for him, I’m sure”, Kylo said. “I can try to fix it if you want me to.”

Hux shook his head. “Last time you tried we were flooded. I’ll just tell him once again.” He sat down at the table. “This looks wonderful, Techie. Thank you.”  
Kylo was so happy about the fact that Hux would have breakfast with them he didn’t even mind that Hux thought he was useless as a craftsman. 

“I wanted to tell you both something”, Hux said, pouring Kylo coffee. “I’ve decided this is going to be my last day of work until after Christmas. I’ll wrao everything up today and then we can call it a holiday.”

Techie clapped his hands. “We could bake cookies or go out sleighing! Or go to the Christmas market!”

“Yeah.” Hux said, doing his best to look enthusiastic. “We could do that.”

Kylo, knowing how much Hux disliked the masses of people at Christmas markets put his hand on Hux’s. “That’s wonderful.”

*  
“Your art amazes me”, Techie said, when they were walking home from Kylo’s studio. “I can’t believe my brother’s boyfriend is an artist. I’m so proud.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Kylo smiled. As Hux was still busy today he had done his best to entertain Techie. In the morning they’d been downtown to do some last-minute Christmas shopping and Kylo had helped Techie pick out a Burberry scarf for Hux that he’d insisted on buying him. They had lunch at one of Kylo’s favourite Italian places and in the afternoon, Techie had insisted on visiting Kylo’s studio. His installations that often revolved around space and technology had become popular in the last few years and he’d had some exhibitions, but his style wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Techie though had honestly been impressed.  
Kylo, who had been fond of him from the beginning, liked him more and more. This was what it must feel like to have a younger brother, he thought.

“Do you think Armitage is ready to bake cookies with us now?” Techie asked. He was shivering, despite the warm wool coat and snow boots Hux had insisted on buying him on his first day here. Not even his enormous rainbow scarf seemed to be helping. Just like Hux he froze easily.

“I hope so.”

“You know, I’m so happy Armitage has found you”, Techie said. “He never seemed this content, this relaxed. There was never anything but work in his life. When he looks at you though, he’s glowing.”

Kylo felt a warm shiver run down his spine at those words. Techie could not have said anything to make him happier. “You think so?”

“Oh yes. He loves you so much, Kylo. Please never doubt that.” He looked up at him with his bright blue eyes that were always a little red-rimmed. “I just wish I had something like that in my life.”

“You will.” Kylo smiled. “You’re only twenty-three after all. You have lots of time to find someone.”

“I don’t know.” Techie sighed. “I think I’m too weird.”

“You’re not weird.” Kylo stroked his colourful hat. “You’re wonderful.”

Techie’s face lit up. “Thanks for saying that.”

 

They were nearing their house and Kylo saw that Matt Radar, the janitor, was shovelling snow in the front garden. He was wearing a large blue coat over his bright orange overall and a fur cap that made his ears stand out even more than usual.

“Hi Matt”, Kylo said. “Looking forward to the holidays?”

“No”, Matt said, not looking up. “Why should I?”

“Well, it’s Christmas after all”, Kylo said, remembering that a few weeks ago he had dreaded Christmas himself. “Well, never mind. I wanted to remind you, our faucet is still dripping. Hux is getting impatient.”

Matt grunted an answer and Kylo walked up to the house. When he had unlocked the front door, he noticed that Techie hadn’t followed him. Turning around he was confronted with the strange sight of Techie standing still as a statue, his arms at his side, eyes fixed on Matt, mesmerized. Matt had also stopped shovelling and was gazing at Techie as if a Christmas miracle had just happened in front of his eyes.

Kylo frowned. What was he witnessing here?

As if in slow-motion, Techie turned away from Matt, just to step onto a frozen piece of ground and slip. Kylo moved in his direction, but he was too far away. Matt however stretched out an arm and held him.

Again, they locked eyes and the situation was so absurd, Kylo almost had to laugh. 

Techie regained his balance and walked over to Kylo, his cheeks flushed, eyes shining bright. Kylo looked back over his shoulder when the door closed behind them and Matt was still watching them intently.

Strange, Kylo thought, but decided not to comment on it, as Techie seemed to be in a hurry to get into their apartment.

Hux was still in his room. 

Kylo pushed the flicker of disappointment to the back of his mind. This was his last day of work, of course it took a little longer. He could live with that as long as Hux really took the day off tomorrow. He just hoped Techie wasn’t too disappointed. 

Luckily, he rather seemed distracted than sad. 

“We’ll start the cookies”, Kylo said. “I bet Hux won’t be able to resist when he smells them.”

“Excellent idea.” Techie smiled. 

He tied his hair back and put on an apron before they started preparing the dough. Techie was unusually quiet, Kylo noticed. 

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes”, Techie said. “It’s just that guy…”

“You mean Matt? I know he seems a little weird, but he’s alright. 

“Hm”, Techie said. 

When the cookies came out of the oven, Hux was still in his room and it was getting harder to ignore the issue. Kylo felt himself getting a little frustrated. It was only Techie’s third day here and it was months since Hux had last seen his little brother. Couldn’t he at least take some time off for his sake? Or for Kylo’s sake so close to Christmas?

Calm down, he’s trying, he told himself. We’ve made such progress. You can’t be too hard on him. 

“We have to get him out of there”, Techie said at that moment. “His work is eating him up. He’s hardly taken a break today.”

“You’re right. I’ll go in and ask him…”

The doorbell rang at that moment. Kylo was a little surprised, because they weren’t expecting anyone, but maybe Rey, Finn and Poe were stopping by for a surprise visit. “I’ll get it”, he said.

It was Matt Radar. For once he wasn’t wearing his hideous overall but blue jeans and a black longarm shirt. Also, the cap was gone, fortunately. He was carrying a tool box and stepped from one foot to the other when Kylo opened. “Wanted to have a look at your faucet.” He tried to peek behind Kylo. 

“Great”, Kylo said, opening the door a little wider. “Hux will be pleased.”

Matt entered and stopped short, when he saw Techie in the door to the kitchen. Techie had his hands folded behind his back and was staring intently at the ground. He was still wearing his apron and Kylo was almost sure there was a touch of pink to his cheeks. 

“The kitchen is over there”, Kylo said, because Matt was still not moving. Techie scurried back into the room and Matt followed him as did Kylo.

“Good evening”, Matt said to Techie who had moved into the furthest corner of the kitchen like a colourful but shy little bird. “I – I wanted to fix the -“

“The tap, I know”, Techie hurried to say. “That’s very kind of you. It’s so late. You must be tired after shovelling all hat snow.”

“No, not at all”, Matt said. “I’m happy to help.”

Kylo couldn’t believe his ears, but he had Hux to take care of. Techie and Matt seemed to be getting along, strange enough.

“I’ll talk to Armitage”, he said, and Techie nodded.

The door to the study wasn’t locked, and he saw that as a good sign. He knocked and entered right away. Hux looked up at him like a cat that was caught on the dinner table and despite being a little angry with him right now, Kylo almost had to smile.

“We wanted to know if you’ll have dinner with us.”

“What time is it?” Hux asked, horrified.

“Almost eight.”

“Oh damn, I’m so sorry.” He buried his face in his hands. “I meant to stop hours ago but I somehow thought I could finish everything before starting the holidays. The truth is I can never finish everything.”

“You should know that by now.” Kylo walked around the desk and put his hands on Hux’s shoulders. Feeling how tense they were, he started to massage them lightly. 

“I really should.” Hux leaned back into the touch. “I’m being unfair to both of you.”

“More importantly you’re being unfair to yourself. Remember what Dr. Shepherd keeps saying.”

Hux sighed. “I need to find a better work life balance.”

“Exactly.” As a matter of fact, Kylo was extremely glad Hux was even willing to listen to him. A month ago, he had become angry whenever Kylo had tried to pry him away from his work. “Let’s say you have ten more minutes here and I’m going to run a bath for you. How does that sound?”

Hux sighed. “Wonderful. Thanks for being so patient with me.”

“Great.” Kylo leaned down and placed a kiss on his neck. When he walked over to the bathroom, he heard voices from the kitchen and couldn’t resist listening for a moment. 

“So, you’re not looking forward to the holidays?” Techie asked.

“No”, Matt said. “It’s going to be the same as every year. Me in front of the TV. I just hate the fuss people make about Christmas.”

“I think it’s a lovely time”, Techie said. “But then I love cookies and decorations and things like that.” Kylo could hear the smile in his voice.

“I don’t mind all that”, Matt said. “It’s just that it always makes me feel that I’m alone.”

“You don’t have family?”

“None I could visit over Christmas.”

“Oh.”

Kylo closed the bathroom door behind him. It seemed as if Techie and Matt really got along well. He was not sure how Hux would like that. He was protective of his brother and he didn’t like Matt. Maybe he should intervene, but right now it felt more important to get Hux out of his room. 

He ran a bath, making sure the water had exactly the right temperature. He also added the expensive sandalwood bath oil Hux loved. Then he took fresh towels from the cupboard and lit the candles next to the tub. When he dimmed the lights, the atmosphere in the room was calm and relaxing and he was a little proud of himself.

He stuck his head into the kitchen, where Matt was now sitting on one of the barstools, a plate with cookies and a glass of eggnog in front of him. Techie was cutting vegetables and talking about “Saga”, a comic book series he liked.

“I’m getting Hux now”, Kylo said.

“Great”, Techie smiled at him. “I’ve started dinner.”

It was in fact wonderful to have an ally while trying to get Hux to make some changes. It felt good to always have Techie on his side.

To his surprise the door to Hux’s study opened, before he had even knocked and Hux walked out, brushing his hair back with one hand. He looked tired, but a little smile curled his lips when he saw Kylo. “That’s it for this year.”

“You mean you’re not going to work until 2019?” Kylo asked, not believing his ears.

“Exactly. The rest of this year belongs to us.”

Kylo pulled him into his arms and kissed him. 

 

When they entered the bathroom a moment later, he could tell Hux was a little overwhelmed. 

“You did this for me?”

“Of course. I’d be happy to do this every night.” Kylo was delighted by the way Hux bit his lower lip.

“It smells amazing.” Hux started to unbutton his shirt and Kylo locked the door behind them before he stepped closer. “Let me help with that”, he said. Hux looked at him questioningly, but Kylo didn’t want sex right now. He could tell how tired Hux was and just wanted him to destress. Maybe they could make love in bed later, when Hux could fall asleep in his arms right afterwards. But in a way it felt just as intimate to undress him like this. He took time opening each button and kissed Hux’s milky white shoulders the moment the garment slipped off them. Then he started on his belt and Hux gasped. “This feels good”, he whispered. He looked to the door. “Is … is Techie alright? Won’t he mind if we take so long?”

“He’s fine”, Kylo assured him, kneeling to pull his pants down. “We can take all the time we want.”

“Good. That’s good.” Hux stroked Kylo’s hair and he felt a shiver rundown his spine. He placed a kiss to Hux’s tigh and stood up. “You should get into the water, before you start freezing.”

“I feel warm”, Hux said with a smile, but he still moved over to the tub.

Kylo watched Hux while he let himself sink into the warm water an expression of utter joy on his face. He was thankful he still had this, that he’d been able to realize how much Hux wanted this too, despite being caught up in his hamster wheel of goals and ambitions. He was such a beautiful man inside and out and Kylo just had to make him see that he deserved feeling good. He would not give up on this again, no matter which difficulties they would have to face.

He knelt down next to the tub and let his fingers run over the soft skin of Hux’s shoulder, his neck, pretending to wash him, but really just wanting to touch him. It was almost unbelievable how much he loved him. The sadness on his face that only disappeared when he laughed, the hint of mischief in his eyes, the arched red eyebrows. He leaned forward to kiss his temple and there was that smile he adored so much that lit up Hux’s whole face. “You’re too good to me.”  
“I could never be too good to you.”

“I love our voice, have I ever told you that?” Hux bit his lower lip again. “Turns me on like crazy.”

“It does?”

“Yeah.” Hux’s voice was a little shaky now and he shifted in the tub.

Kylo’s heartbeat quickened. “Do you want me to…” he let his hand glide lower.

“If you don’t mind” Hux’s head sank back against the rim of the tub and he inhaled deeply when Kylo’s hand dived between his legs. He was hard already. Kylo moaned. 

After a period with no sex at all this part of their relationship had reached a new climax in every sense of the word. Kylo was aware of course that sex wasn’t everything and that they had lots of issues to work on, but he was so happy about this. It was so good to feel how much Hux loved to be touched by him, how he gave up part of his defences when they were doing it. 

His hand quickly found the rhythm Hux enjoyed and watched his beautiful face in the candle light. The way his eyelids fluttered shut, while his lips parted slightly. He couldn’t resist and leaned over to kiss them and Hux pulled him closer, buried his hands in Kylo’s unruly hair and Kylo moaned with pleasure. Hux was kissing him hungrily, as if he never wanted to let go of him and that felt wonderful.

He felt his hips buck, heard him moan against his lips and then he came, shuddering beneath him. 

“Wow”, he whispered. “I think I needed that.”

“I think you did.” Kylo kissed his ear. 

Hux was in a bit of a hurry to get out of the bath afterwards and Kylo dried him off. To be honest he couldn’t wait to get into bed with him now. Hux’s cheeks were glowing, his lips were red and Kylo wanted to devour him. That would have to wait until after dinner, though. 

“I have to get dressed”, Hux said. “Can you go see if Techie’s alright?”

That was actually a good idea Kylo thought, when he walked over to the kitchen, still mesmerized by the experience he had just shared with Hux. He didn’t want to ruin Hux’s mood by him walking into Matt.

Fortunately, Techie was just saying good-bye to the janitor at the door. He turned around to Kylo after Matt had left, happiness shining from his eyes. He also looked a little worried, though.

“Do you think Matt can spend Christmas with us?” he asked. “He’s so loney.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea”, Kylo said. “Hux is not too fond of him.”

He isn’t?” Techie crumbled before Kylo’s eyes.

“Oh no, Techie!” He moved over to him. “Do you … do you like Matt?”

“I think I do.” Techie looked up at him, crestfallen. “What am I going to do?”

“Don’t worry.” Kylo said. “Everything is going to be alright.”

He wasn’t so sure about that, though. How was he going to break it to Hux that his brother was falling for the janitor?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to your amazing feedback, I decided to write another two chapters for this. Hope you enjoy!  
> The chapter title is from "Fairytale of New York" once more.


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